what happened to you?

Today a friend told me: "you make your own dreams impossible by allowing fear to grow bigger than faith."  It's a well known idea that the true and full value of things is only visible when you lose them. Obviously this knowledge comes far too late. Like an anxious baby bird jumping off his high nest - he thought he could fly - but he couldn't, although he was meant to one day.

Reality Bites

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Because you are to used to harmony in a very classic and feminine way.

- What do you mean?

What did you felt when you first saw those holocaust images of skinny dead bodies all being pushed into a mass grave?

- Like everyone else I suppose, deeply shocked.

Well isn't that shock a reflection of your values regarding life in which you find comfort and by whom you measure good and evil? Isn't that something to be proud about? The ability of feeling someone else pain even if that has happened long ago before you were even born? Can you find a soundtrack to those pictures that can sound harmonious? Is music always supposed to be pretty and comfortable? No, it does not. Music is the same as life and life can be a tragedy, and in tragedy you can often find the deepest human light. Is that last desire for happiness. It's in the darkest place that the smallest light will shine brighter and sparkling clear.

simple

simple

simple it down.

it's been over 4 months since I left my shithole that once I called home.

it's not the 1st time.

it just tastes different now.

it's all damaged around me.

dumb people find sick ways to move on.

and there's no such thing as dumb.

it's all people.

how's being smart working for you?

pretty bad right now.

what advantage can I gain from reading between the lines?

I don't even know

I don't even know

I don't even know the Language.

I know the body and the body has bowels and the bowels move in disgusting circles.

our meat calls for mercy.

humanity claims mercy onto itself.

when did we get so tired of it?

where?

why can't we search for something else?

where lies the roots of our humble acceptance of it all?

& all of it.

I really want to simple it down but this is too much.

it's like a Disney movie, it's Bambi's mother dying one thousand times per second
and all you have to do is to pay enough tax.

trying to go back now

to the island

childhood

cliché

cliché.

nothing is more important than being original.

simple it down.

right vs left

We think of ourselves as free minded. Most of us think differently in regard to our fathers. Almost all of us think of our grandfathers as people with a very strict set of preconceptions. We are all wrong. We built new layers of preconceptions over the old ones and we call ourselves free minded. You aren't free, you are as selfish and self centered as anyone else. Our preconceptions are so strong and well rooted that we don't even notice them. We can't conceive them as that, we can't even find their source and their limits. Until you step into a different culture and you start to wonder about all the little things you take for granted. Things you think "oh it's ok". Things you don't even think anymore. Suddenly the though "is it really ok?!" pops into your head, and there you go, for a moment you are free, then you do everything you can to build a new wall between yourself, what you really are, and everyone around you. I wonder if this is part of Huxley's view of a mankind locked and slave of the left brain. And I know that creativity throws you away from preconceptions, at least for awhile. So I find a new paradox: Those who don't think that much actually have it a lot easier but they do carry with them all the ugly filters of society. Those who do think more than the common mortal, have all this bumps ready for them in the journey to find themselves. One thing makes us run: beauty. Art. Cause we wont live without it. Painful awareness is a fair price to pay.